Forgiveness

{thisgreeneyedgirl} I will learn to love the skies i'm under [mumford and sons quote]

Fog is heavy… morning is here.

4:30 a.m. Wide awake.

Fog on land. Fog on my heart.

I make a mug of coffee. I dress. I go outside and walk through the dewy grass. I do the farm chores. I watch the sun shine ever so slightly through the mist. Light…. will it come? Dark skies. Dark heart.

These are the skies I’m under.

I think of God. I think of myself. My failure. I think of my young sister who will come into this world young and innocent. Beautiful. Free. I think of the sin that will quickly try to bind her. I cry. I feel the shame of all that I’ve done. What will she go through? Will she be cherished? Will she be scarred? Will she be respected by the men in her life? Will she be troubled by questions? Will she be content?

And all I can feel is the over-whelmingness of God’s grace to my stained up soul. There is no condemnation in him.

I ask him to forgive me.

I doubt.

Yet still I know. I know.

He has. He always has. He forgives me.

I pray.

I pray for her. That he’ll build a hedge around her heart. Keep her soft.

These are the skies she’ll live under, too. At times bright. At times dark. Foggy. And there will be days when darkness will creep upon her and that fog will lay heavy on her heart also.  Let her still feel love. Feel peace. Feel God’s forgiveness for her mistakes.

As I feel it. Deep. Penetrating. Convicting. Humbling. Revealing.

He forgives.

Even me…. even me, he forgives.

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1 Days to Go: Preach The Gospel Always

Hey y’all

So, I only have two days left before I leave town! I can hardly believe how quickly the time has passed. Not merely from when I started counting down to my trip but from the time my dear brother got engaged to his happy bride. It’s hard to fathom that they will so soon be married. Here I am remembering being children when nothing was further from our minds than marriage. But I’m rambling…….

I do that.

I’ve had posts so far that were practical. To get ready for my trip… how I packed, what I planned to do, granola making. But today I had a migraine and couldn’t get anything done at all.

It was tough.

I was so relieved that I had already packed my things. Oh the joy of defeating my procrastination this time around. I fought back a little bit of pride, which felt rightful, at the thought of having been so well prepared. However I knew better than to think I have ‘it all together’

Oh no! I’ll be relieved when I’ve left and what ever it is I’ve forgotten is in my past, unobtainable. I can’t go back for it, can live with out it, and will not worry about it. I look forward to that moment. As of right now I’m in the ‘wracking my brain trying to think of everything I should take and have packed’ stage.

{thisgreeneyedgirl} What to remember

Perhaps the most important thing that crossed my mind to have packed and at the ready today, as I laid near lifeless on the couch, was my witness.

How could I forget that?

Isn’t that the most important thing to take.

I have remembered my extra sweater. My Southern Charm. My Granola and snacks. What about my witness?????

I saw a quote that said

Preach the gospel always, and if necessary, use words. – Francis of Asissi

That was my reminder. To try to stay humble. Be gracious. Be loving. Stay open. Have gratitude. Pray over every meal. Speak to the clerk. Compliment the waitress. Thank the hostess. Hold the door. Smile. Be a witness.

I love the wording…. and if necessary. Meaning, let your actions speak the loudest and if it becomes necessary then be brave. Don’t hesitate to speak the truth. But let the actions speak for themselves.

So as I prepare to go my prayer is that I’ll remember my luggage but more importantly…. who I am. Or rather, who I belong to.

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A Moment of Quiet

You’re alone. You’re sitting on a fluffy white comforter on your slightly unmade bed. There is morning light coming in the slightly open window. The first breath of Autumn in mixed lightly into the air. Your hair is still a tiny bit bed head. Leaning against the headboard you reach for a cherished book. The author joins you in your quiet moment. It’s quiet. Very quiet.

Is it quiet?

What is quiet? Do any of us truly know quiet? Does quiet even still exist in our day and age?

Oh how I relish a moment of peace and quiet. A bit of alone time. To pray. To read. To write. To think. To walk in nature. To have morning devotions. To write a letter. To ponder how to refashion a sweater and begin a the project… leisurely.

But now I ask myself…. ‘Have I ever known a true quiet?’

My pastor taught a message on being separate from the world today and music for a Godly generation. Many things stayed with me, many I’d thought about in my own life before, and one thing in particular I am thinking of now.

It was actually something one of the men of the body said afterwards in the comment and sharing time.

He was talking about taking time to work, think, read with out background music. This I do deliberately. What he said next was worth pondering.

Do we ever hear real quiet? Think about it. Right now, the fridge is humming gently. The light bulb is flickering. The fan blade is spinning. The clothes dryer is quietly tumbling. But all of this is impacting your subconscious to the point where you are mentally aware of it yet tuning it out. You think you’re experiencing quiet but in reality you are still experiencing static all around you. Your brain is processing static.

There was a time……

there was a time when you sat in a home. There was a candle burning. There was a quiet, no, noiseless cellar cooling your food. You were in an open field. You didn’t have neighbors crowded in around you or streetlights cutting through the dark of the night. You had quiet.

Be still and know that I am God.

There is a peace that comes when I take that walk. I tread lightly over the property in the early morning or as the sun sinks low and the only thing I hear is birds in their nest and frogs in the pond. All is quiet.

farmers_Quiet {thisgreeneyedgirl}

Now I strive for the true quiet. The quiet of mind. The stillness of thoughts. I tame my wild beating heart so flooded by plans, ideas, memories, regrets, hopes. All these things at one time. I try and try try again to hush my static filled soul even now as I am finally away from the modern noisy static of a culture where real quiet is unknown. I search for the soft tranquility that a farm wife must have felt on an evening walk down a path across her farm. She bends to pick a wildflower to take home to her little girl. Her mind and heart joining together for a moment of quiet, she lifts her prayer to the Lord.

And he hears.

Be still and know that he is God.

 

(famous painting called “Angelus” by Jean François Millet.)

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Aztec and Neon: Welcoming July

Hey there.

Well, it’s a slightly cloudy Monday here in middle Tennessee and currently I am home alone, drinking coffee, dwelling on how to go fourth into my week and also into a new month. July. 

Yesterday was the Lord’s day and a beautiful Lord’s day it was. We were able to celebrate the baptisms of 5 young people in our church. It brought me to tears, to be honest. Watching an 18 year old young man confess his desires to serve the Lord in so much humility and 4 young children testify that Christ saved them and they wanted to obey his command to be baptized…. wow! What a joy. It felt like we had just adopted them into our family. So real and so beautiful as if they had been orphans coming into our fold… and indeed that is just what happened. Sadly, I don’t have any photos. But I myself will carry a mental snapshot in my mind.

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I’ve been slightly obsessed with two things…. among all my other obsessions. Aztec print & neon. Also, I’ve been wanting to adopt something Emerald. It’s very ‘in’ this year and a little out of my comfort zone. I believe in going to new places and trying new things, broadening your horizons… thus I intended to wear something that particular shade of green if it took me all year. However… it did not take me all year.

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Aeropostale Denim Jacket: thrift store – under $5 White tank: Ross- $4 Neon Jersey Knit shirt: Shopko- clearanced $4 Emerald Aztec Maxi: Ross $13

My Mom and I, who enjoy dressing alike sometimes with our own unique twists thrown in, have been enjoying the neon trend this summer. It took her a little while to warm up to it. First she didn’t like it but by this May she was telling me ‘I just have to find something neon… I love how it looks against tan skin. It’s so fun!’ We’ve been experimenting with matching up, too. Even the four of us, she and I and Dad and Seth, Each with a different take on the colors because we’re all different, but coordinated. It’s been a lot of fun and I think it’s a small way of expressing that we’re unified and love being a family. So, back to neon. Now we all have something neon. I have two things actually. One of them is this shirt which I bought on sale because of the color but also because I LOVE jersey fabric. How it hangs, fits, breaths, flatters. LOVE IT! I always get full use out of it when I buy it and feel it worth the price. In this case, especially because it was only $4.  I always encourage  finding something you love and figuring out exactly why you love it. It helps you in the future when shopping to not end up with things you wont wear and instead end up with items you feel comfortable in and great about wearing.

sunday outfit 1

bracelets: walmart – $1

Maxis are lovely and fun. They are classy, simple, but also can be given a modern spin. I seldom pay $13 dollars for one item… yes, I’m extremely frugal. But I decided that every now and then I will splurge on some statement pieces to punch of my wardrobe. This was one of them.

sunday outfit 1 pic 5

A denim jacket is my forever-go-to. Always classy. Always in style. Always flattering. Can be dressed up or down. Gotta love it.

sunday outfit 1 pic 3

I felt pretty happy about my outfit yesterday. Something about maxis just make you feel womanly and knowing that I had chosen something to wear that met all the standards I was striving  for: lovely, modest, fashionable, flattering, and fun made me feel good.

But really, it wasn’t the outfit. I just had a lovely day. I enjoyed some wonderful conversation with some wonderful friends. I witnessed a beautiful baptism. I bonded with my church family. I heard some very uplifting teaching. I was nourished and convicted. And  on the way home I saw these amazing sights:

sunday outfit 1 drive home

      I just love the sights on a Sunday drive through Tennessee!

sunday outfit 1 cattle

I love coming around the bend and seeing these Angus cattle on my ride home every Sunday evening.

sunday outfit 1 rainbow

‘I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth.’ – Gen 9: 13

I hope y’all have a gorgeous week this week. Something I’ve been praying about today was relinquishing to God a relationship in my life with someone I dearly love. Praying that God would take it over and give us peace in the relationship. Me the ability to forgive and look past the faults so that I can go on loving. Loving deeply as I should. I wanted to share that and encourage you to do the same this week. If there’s someone you just can’t seem to see in love because of how they’ve hurt you. Give it up to the Lord. Ask for his help. I’m having faith that it will change my week. My life maybe. And go ahead and wear some perfume, too. Then we’re bound to have a great week ahead (and holiday weekend!)

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